I wasnt going to write about Tornedos today, only because up till about 3pm this afternoon there was no reason to.
i went to the mall today, met a good friend for coffee, and a great catch up, we joked about people watching and people around us all seemed to be in good spirits, doesnt really matter about the crappy weather outside too much.
about an hour and a half after i left a Tornedo ripped right through the mall and surrounding areas, i wasnt there, i was out the other side of town by that stage however i cannot help but feel very surreal about it all, a bit emotional and a hell of a lot of ‘what ifs’. of course im relieved that neither myself nor my children were anywhere near the place. but it really was a lucky miss.
Another lucky miss was my little sister turning up to the mall just after it hit. she had been putting off her mall visit for an hour or so. missed it by less than half an hour
you could be anywhere, and your life could change when you least expect it. its freakin surreal. it does scare me a little.
hug your babies close, make sure your family knows they are loved.
as expected my mood is elevating, ive had my down patch, and now im feeling myself lift and become higher in mood. increased energy, talking fast, rapid thoughts.
this is the FIRST time ever that i have recognised this from the start. its a HUGE step, massive in my self maintenance of Bipolar.
i dont take mood stabilisers, every stabiliser i have tried, bar one, has reacted with me somehow, making me zombie like or giving me physically ill symptoms, the one that i had no problems with the drs took me off for fear it wasnt working. i still disagree with this. but all i take is Anti Depressants, so when im depressed i have support there via my medication, but, when im elevated i dont have the stabiliser there to level me out.
so i have a few options, i can go to the dr and get some new mood stabilisers, i can flatten out that way. but i risk side effects, i risk zombie symptoms and physical side effects. OR because i have recognised the way my mood is going i can take this as a learning curve and ‘ride the wave’ so to speak, but more so than ever actively manage myself every minute of every day till im through the other side. that means taking check of myself and my mood hourly if i have to, triple checking every decision, ringing someone to double check any decision i make to make sure im thinking rationally and not manically. it means ensuring i eat well, drink lots of water and get lots of sleep.
its a bit scary. because i tend to think the world cant touch me when im elevated, and i know im not fully there yet, im still climbing. but i have my management plans, i have my goals, i have phone numbers. i will take it easy and work through it, because if i dont learn to do this now, i cannot think of any better time.
so im going to make the most of my increased energy now, and go tidy my room.