Yesterday in NZ was a public holiday, Labour Day, so a long weekend, lovely weather and one of our weekday morning talk shows, its always full of laughs and information.
SO on Good Morning yesterday the hosts were hypnotised, it was pretty funny, they did some pretty outrageous things, made the morning viewing very funny i had a great laugh.
this morning they were describing how they felt in their ‘altered state’ how they knew what they were doing, but they couldn’t control it, how their thoughts and actions that were theirs, were not, things they thought were going on weren’t and they had NO control over any thing they did.
to me this is VERY similar to how i am when i am suffering from Hyper-mania or depression, when my mood is elevated and i want to spend and i cant control it, when im uber horny and just want to play all the time or when i talk and talk and talk or craft and craft (crafting is very productive when manic!) or when depressed and the negative self talk i say, the incredible feeling of being judged and watched and talked about. even when im not, the thoughts and feelings that i have.
i cannot control it. i know i am doing it. i know why i think i am doing it but i cannot stop it. i am in an altered state of my own, but unlike being hypnotised i cant just click my fingers and snap out of it which frustrates many people. they think that because i KNOW its wrong, or different, or not how things should be, i should KNOW not to do it. unfortunately it doesnt work like that. yes i know whats going on. but i cannot stop it, i cannot control it, i can only try and manage it.
its just the way it is. its here for life.